Letters to the Editor--Mojave Desert Trails    

Happy Little Pies:  

Dear Editor:  I was able to accompany the High Desert Pygmies on their last outing and was introduced to a concept not previously observed by me.  One of the participants brought along his “HAPPY LITTLE PIE MAKERS” which allowed him to produce delicious little tarts over the camp fire.  These "HAPPY LITTLE PIES" were filled with various fruits and cooked in little hand-held molds over the open flame.  Just as in regular baking timing is critical as to long over the flame will produce a great looking hockey puck.  At the end of a long day on the trail and a good meal cooked over an open fire this tidbit of sweet sure hit the spot.  This note is to thank Mike for bringing his “HAPPY LITTLE PIE MAKERS” and showing his trail mates that a little excitement can be found in the form of a tart at the end of a good meal.  I would like to request that on the next trip he also bring along his “HAPPY LITTLE MARSHMALLOW ROASTERS” as I understand these are also a great meal booster.  Thanks Again, J.N. Covina, CA

No More Beans:  

Editor,  Had a great time on the last High Desert Pygmy outing. There is nothing better than sitting around the campfire with good friends having a great meal but sometimes unintended consequences can occur.. This brings me to suggest one small improvement to the menu.  In the future would it be possible to eliminate beans from the evening meal because of the overall disharmony the resultant flatulence caused in the tents during the night.  I for one was run from my tent three times during one night by a family member who continued to emit a noxious heavy gas.  On one occasion outside the tent, I observed and talked to three other individuals who were being inundated by a similar gaseous odor within their own tents, generally, but not always, attributed to tent mates.   There was one individual who ran himself out of his own one-man tent.  As I am sure most would understand being up half of the night attempting to survive this obnoxious gas detracts from the overall enjoyment the next day.  Therefore, I would request that consideration be afforded the total elimination of every, any, and all types of beans or other gas producing food groups.  I sincerely believe that the small change requested herein will in no way detract from the overall outdoor experience and provide some of us with a full night’s sleep that we justly deserve.  Thanks for your understanding in this delicate matter but I can't take it any more.       A.K. Southern California

Falling From (for) Grace              

To the Editor:  Enjoyed the trip with the High Desert Pygmies as this was a great outing.  I have developed a degree of concern related to our spiritual leader, Reverend Robb, that I believe must be shared with others of our clan.  As I observed him lead us in tributes to the memory of Blowsand II and III, I could not blank out the vision of him prostrate on the floor of the Nugget Casino in Searchlight the day before.  It was not so much his position on the floor but that he still had a drink in his hand and a lovely young lady was holding his head up and whispering in his ear.  Instead of appearing distraught, he was smiling into her deep blue eyes, relaxed and shaking his head yes.  Obviously, I could not hear what was being said but there is no question in my mind they were not discussing the weather. Upon standing again, he appeared confused and wanted to follow this young lady but was restrained by fellow trail mates.  Was he really confused?  Later she was observed stirring two drinks at a time and winking in the direction of the Reverend.  I am conscious that the spirited air of the outdoors combined with alcohol can provide a rejuvenating effect but one must still maintain mental control.  I only bring this to the attention of the total group to watch for future signs as it is imperative that our spiritual leader maintain his high and lofty status.  Reverend Robb is my Idol and it would be a major disappointment if he should fall from(for) Grace.   D.S. Newberry , CA      

Watching the "Watchtower" 

To the Editor: Had a great time on the Great Pygmy excursion.  On this trip I observed a positive expression of faith that I had not previously witnessed. To many the very fact of being out in the wilderness is a religious experience, in and of itself, as one develops an intricate relationship with nature.  It is something that need not be spoken but is exhibited in the overall demeanor and attitude of the participants.  On this journey two individuals provided me with personal inspiration as they carried their own religious material with them to augment the total environmental flavor.  John and Mike were observed and photographed deeply engrossed in their study of the “Watchtower”.  I must admit that I am unfamiliar with the various aspects of this sect but will give it a closer examination because of the respect afforded these two individuals.  To example their commitment:  Mike was photographed sitting on the toilet reading the material with his shorts on.  One would think that this would be distracting and to a degree unsanitary but just delineates the meaning of total devotion.  Thanks guys for adding another positive example to the overall enlighten and enriched Pygmy existence.  B.B. Mojave Desert, CA

Merry-go-Rounds belong in Parks  

Editor:  Had a great time but a major part of the trip sucked.  I don’t believe that “map reading and path finding” is Nuclear Science.  Thank God I had a compass in my vehicle as we turned around so many times I became dizzy.  My wife relates that I am prone to not check directions until I am lost but I can’t hold a candle to the nut who led this outing.  Don’t have an exact measurement but would guess I used an excess of four gallons of gas just backtracking and turning around.  Being lost is obviously a concept this Bozo does not understand.  Never once did he call a meeting of the group to ask other's opinions—and let me tell you I had a few.  To example his ignorance, the only member he did seek advice from was blind, let me repeat, "Blind".  You could tell everyone else knew exactly what they were doing except this “so called” pathfinder.  The Lewis and Clark Expedition would have died in the wilderness if this "trusted" individual had been their guide and an open route to the Pacific Ocean would have never been discovered. Then to top it all off his wandering used excess time causing us to be late setting up camp and having to cook and eat in the dark.  I for one did not appreciate this lack of courtesy and am sure Chris the Head Cook did not either.  I know that all the other members of the outing believe the same way I do but don’t want to hurt his sensitive feeling—I say the hell with his feeling, he was incompetent and lacks the ability to plan, let alone play map reader.   (name withheld by request)  

Keeping Your Tent Up  

Editor; Great Campout and I enjoyed the evenings around the camp fire but did notice one item where a significant degree of improvement could enhance the experience of all.  Setting up camp in the evenings became a confusing and disjointed exercise as there appears to be a complete lack of knowledge in establishing and erecting tents.  I observed everything from sailing tents to those completely collapsed by the incessant wind.  In the mornings at least an hour was expended discussing the errant tents as some had fallen down themselves while others had walked around the camp all night.  Those who did not sleep in tents were kept awake during the night by profane language, nailing of misplaced tent stakes, reestablishing tent locations, insane laughing, and discussions on various tent methodologies and establishment procedures.  To assist those tent neophytes it appears that a few lessons in tent protocol for camp setup be developed.  I am willing to give of my valuable time and provide the basic tent setup procedures necessary to maintain tent shelter during both calm and windy environments.  In this effort I will of course provide written handouts on such items as; winning the tent battle, tent location and direction, proper staking and tie down, tent pole placement, keeping your tent upright, tent stabilization, proven exotic tie down methods, proper evacuation techniques in tent emergencies, ventilating you tent, choosing a tent mate, determining if a tent is the right choice for you, traveling with your tent, and correct storage of your tent when not in use.  If you believe you might benefit from a seminar of this type send an e-mail to TheTentMaster in care of Blowsand Burns.  Lessons can be provided in groups or individual instruction—your backyard or mine.  Special rates available for females, individual or groups.  G.M. Newberry Springs , CA   

Ban Mr. Kessler  

To the Editor:  The time has come to eliminate Mr. Kessler from all future 4X4 trips.  For years I have had to endure the negative results caused by his attendance.  He rides exclusively with one individual and has a significant effect on this person’s demeanor, especially in the evening hours around the camp fire and later during the hours when all should be asleep.  The person he rides with now sleeps in the back of his vehicle which has even made things more difficult.  During this trip I heard Mr. Kessler’s friend using profane language toward his vehicle and was unable to even close the rear tailgate.  In the middle of the night he yelled out to me as I was trying to get some much needed sleep.  He explained the tailgate situation and requested my help.  As I was putting my shoes on, I told him "I would be right over and assist him".  “No” he said, “I will come over there”.  Now how could I assist him with his tailgate when he was at my vehicle?  He also noted that he was cold because of the tailgate being down but I observed he was sleeping under the foam pad that he was supposed to sleep on.  His sleeping bag was rolled up in his front seat of no use to anyone.  After getting all this corrected I returned to my vehicle but could see Mr. Kessler setting outside the vehicle near the rear tire.  I am not sure but it appeared he was empty and had a big smile.  Mr. Kessler has caused all his friends difficulties and enough, is enough….no more Mr. Kessler on the High Desert Pygmy 4X4 trips.  I know this can not be enforced as Mr. Kessler and his friend have traveled to many roads together but be on the lookout and don’t let Mr. Kessler ride with you.  His destructive nature is beyond your ability to cope.       J.S.  Tehachapi, CA      

Moon Over Newberry   See Response and Rebuttal to "Moon Over Newberry" below:                         

Dear Editor: I feel I must share with you an event to which I was one of four witnesses shocked by an event that could conceivably be repeated in front of other unsuspecting desert residents. My emotions have settled down over the last 48 hours since this spectacle occurred, and now I believe that I can accurately relate what happened. Our 4X4 desert exploration group of 15 naturalists in seven vehicles had completed a three day excursion enjoying the sunshine and fresh air in the Mojave Desert while  observing the beautiful flora and fauna. including mule deer and desert hares. Some of the explorers departed from Ludlow, California, and some returned to the starting point of the journey in Newberry Springs. Four of the travelers were sitting in the shade of a building portico reflecting on the wondrous scenery enjoyed and the fellowship and camaraderie made even better by food cooked over fire and by songs sung in the evening, such as rounds of "row, row, row your boat". The 4 men included Hank "Big Red One" , Ernie "Mojave Man" , his brother, Donald "Kessler" , and this writer, Robb the "Doc" (Reverend). Two other participants on the journey pretended to be leaving for their lowland homes. One man, a newcomer to the desert sorties, and a former peace officer, and the other more seasoned Mojave venturer (who should have known better) drove, presumably out of the Lake HIRI compound. But the crunching of the gravel by their vehicle became silent. They feigned some type of problem with their vehicle. And then.... and THEN.... they first faced us momentarily before turning their backs to us and DROPPING THEIR TROUSERS AND UNDERWEAR!!! Yes, dear reader, the fact of the shocking matter is that their bare buttocks were showing......actually a portion of their naked anatomy.......pale naked anatomy was flaunted in front of our unbelieving eyes. We were flabbergasted. While in all honesty with my sincere attempt to make this a factual personal account, I must confess that the appearance of the bare bottoms seemed to be of unusual interest to one of the other three of my companions, but his arousal, a truly surprising arousal, was only obvious for a short time before he collected himself and made the ribald event a unanimously. unforgivably offensive one....... With nary an expression of apology, the perpetrators climbed into their vehicles drove away. Their next actual destination I know not. It is for this reason that I am corresponding with you and your other readers. If you should see two strange men in the vicinity of your business, your home, or God forbid, your school, call the local authorities immediately. Respectfully, R. H. Covina, CA. 

Cousin "Klondike" Burns

Web Editor;  Blowsand wrote me about your exciting 4X4 trip into the bowels of the Mojave Desert .  As you know, my cousin Blowsand Burns had invited me along and I had planned to attend.  Unfortunately, an early unexpected snow caught me  on the Yukon side of White Pass and was stranded at Bailey Lake for ni on to two weeks.  Drastic weather changes up here in Alaska and the Yukon are nothing new.  Sure wish I could have gone along and especially regretted missing the yearly memorials to my Great Uncles, Blowsand Burn's II and III as I have never had the opportunity to celebrate their lives.  I have now returned to my cabin on Tracey’s Arm which is south of Skagway and will remain here until next spring.  Did a little rock bustin at Dawson Creek but things are so picked over there ain’t many opportunities left.  Did appreciate Cousin Blowsand visitin this summer and all you good trail mates are welcome anytime although I believe you would be better off with a boat instead of a 4X4, especially if you are taking the inland passage. ha ha.  Sent Cousin Blowsand a photo of my area of the country and he may post it so you can all see where I live.  If he does, my cabin is on the left side above the sandy beach area in the edge of the tree line.  Sorry I missed you'al this trip but maybe next time. Klondike Burns, Skagway , AK

Response to "Moon Over Newberry"   (Emphasis Added)

Dear Editor  This is a carefully considered response to a letter from R.H. of Covina Ca.  R.H. aka “Doc” aka “Reverend” complained to you  of  the bare moon behavior of his Pygmy brethren. What hypocrisy!  Any psychologist worth his couch would say that R.H. is guilty of the worst kind of projection. The very behavior he decries, has been perfected in himself.  There is no denying he is the most eloquent and articulate among us.  Closer observation reveals that he has mastered perverted behavior way beyond what he finds in others.

Since R.H. seems to relate to language that is alliterative, I will detail his recent behavior in that sense.  First, this  Clavering  Cleric complains of seeing our bare butts at great distance, while condoning the up close and personal groping of our posteriors by his youngest progeny.  More hypocrisy!  Next, this Perverted Parson throws himself on the bar room floor.  Why?  To receive touchy feely sympathy  from buxom Grace the bartender. Then our Sanctimonious Sermonizer offends our delicate senses with a detailed and colorful description of his bodily functions.

 Now, Our Double Dealing Deacon tells us that while our exposure was “offensive,”  one of his brethren was actually aroused.  Since “Mojave Man” can’t see a lick,  that only leaves “Big red one” or “Kessler” to take the heat for being gay.  I thought that a confession is always taken in the utmost confidence!  Apparently our “reverend” slept through that session in divinity school.   

More Audacity…after all these  transgressions , our Irreverent Reverend has the temerity to ask us to “show some couth”.  What shall we conclude from the dichotomy between his complaints and behavior?  Can this Enigmatic Ecclesiastic be saved? Will he repent?  Fourteen of his most faithful followers stand ready for the response.  A. K.  Southern California

Rebuttal to Response  "Moon Over Newberry"

Dear darling Editor;    I saw you once in the bar in searchlight but never had a chance to share with you some things we have in common when I was distracted by the tumble that the very handsome older but vital looking gray-haired hunk of a man took in the establishment. I'll get back to him later in my letter. He has literally transformed my life.

 Only a few people know what I am about to share with you and your readers. Some members of my immediate family in Las Vegas are not even aware of this. But, isn't it truly a small World?  Reading some entries in your lovely little publication brought a rush of family secrets to my memory that I have at first repressed, but then acknowledged as items that are not anything less than my own precious touchstones to my desert heritage. You see, my great grandmother worked as a waitress in the original Kelso Depot, serving the railroad men as well as other visitors passing through. One long and lanky sunburned stranger caught her eye, and .... well..... they fell in love...... but they never married. My great-grandmother, Rebecca Rose, although she was pregnant with my grandmother, Gwennie Bell, was unable to marry the one love of her life, Rocky Burns, a nephew of Blowsand Burns III. Rocky was killed 6 weeks after they met in a dynamite blast gone wrong in the mine he was working.

 As I hinted earlier, I must quickly come to the defense of the one that your reader who anonymously uses A K to sign his trashy, scandalously vicious, grossly inaccurate, and venomous letters has called hypocritical.  Let me clarify what this wonderful, WONDERFUL, man means to me. I will confess that he and I did have a second .... let's say, encounter..... upon my eager urging.  Can a girl help herself when she is subjected to the most attractive personality in her 26 years of living and loving throughout the states of Nevada, California, Colorado, and Arizona?  My face is pink with blushing as I think about him.  And, believe me, Honey, I am not the blushing type.  When we met again, I told the Reverend that I wanted to give myself to him and show him a new way.  But much to my eternal surprise and bitter disappointment he said  “No".  He said he wanted to " show me ' THE WAY' ".  His motives obviously were and are on a very high plane of spirituality.  As I said, I shall never be the same again after meeting him.  With his counsel and encouragement I am leaving my occupation as a model and dancer and plan to create for the betterment of mankind " The Order of the Benevolent Sisters of Bunnydom ". I am in the process of purchasing 5 1/2 acres on the outskirts of Pahrump, Nevada.                                                                                                          Very Respectfully, Grace Goodbody.